Until You're Humbled!
by speed killz
Summary: A funny one shot leading into something I want to turn into a semi-serious fic. The jewel is sick of turning people into demons, so it decides to turn Inuyasha into a female! The sequel is going to be actually awesome, I think.


Until You're Humbled!

A/N: Contains a lot of swear words, and overall rudeness, followed perhaps by some mild violence. As if the 'M' rating wasn't enough!

"At LAST!" InuYasha cried, holding up the last fragment of the jewel shard. "I finally completed this shiny mother-fucker!" He said, laughing. He ripped Kagome's necklace off her, to get at the rest of the shards she wore around her neck, and ignored Kagome's bitching about how he was acting like a dick again.

Eager to show off his manliness, he crushed the tiny glass bottle inside his fist, recieving multiple lacerations as a result of showing off.

"OW FUCK! Who the SHIT made this glass bottle out of real glass!?!" He roared, pulling the glass shards out with his teeth.

"AH INUYASHA!" Kagome yelled, seeing his wound. "Let me wrap it up for you!"

"No." He said grumpily.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!!"

"NO!" He said, a blood vessel straining in his neck, about to explode.  
"I said Yes!"  
"I said shutthefuckup!"

"I said sit, you fucking dick!"

InuYasha was slammed into the ground, and he cursed, mildly disliking the taste of dirt in his mouth. Although, compared to Kagome's cooking...

Kagome went to work, diving toward InuYasha. She hit the ground and rolled, pulling a Med-Kit out of her ass. She threw it open, and set a Red Cross helmet on her head, doing up the chin strap, getting ready to get serious.

"Hokay!" She yelled.

"I'm going to need some anti-septic, and some bandages, GO!" She yelled. Sango jumped into action, wondering why Kagome had to crawl toward InuYasha like she was in World War II or something.

"GO SANGO GO GO GO!" Kagome yelled. "Apply the antiseptic!"

Sango casually opened the bottle of anti-septic, but it slipped out of her hand, and the contents dumped all over InuYasha's hand.

"HOLY DUMB FUCK THAT HURTS WORSE THAN SHIT!" He yelled, twisting around on the ground.

"GODDAMMIT SANGO!" Kagome yelled. "The X button, X BUTTON! Not the fucking Circle button! For fuck sakes!"

Sango fumbled with the bandage, and tried to wrap it around InuYasha's hand, but he was having spastic seizures, and knocked it out of her hand onto the ground.

"Oh fuck off Sango! Our gauze is fucking dirty!" Kagome yelled. "Do I have to do everything!?!"

Sango finally had enough. "That's what you get for sending a level 2 in to do what a level 6 medic should be doing, you stupid ass!" She yelled.

FUCK YOU!" Kagome yelled, pulling out a pair of defibrillator paddles.

Sango's eyes widened. "Oh shit..."

Kagome nodded. "That's right bitch! You know what's coming!" She said. Sango turned around, and tried to escape, but there was no use.

Kagome jumped into the air, defibrillator paddles charged and ready, a big yellow ball on the end of a spring on top of her medic helmet swinging back and forth viciously.

"SCHTAT-PADDERSCH GET SCHTABBED IN TEH SCHPLEEEEEEN!" Kagome yelled, aiming for Sango.

"No! N-NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO--" BZZT!

InuYasha jumped up. "Enough dicking around, I'm making my wish!" He said. He raised his arms into the air, and shoved all the jewel shards together.

"Super sexy InuWasha is ready to make his wish!" InuYasha declared, placing his hands on his hips and thrusting out his chest. With no one holding it, the completed jewel simply fell to the ground, due to gravity.

"WHAT THE SHIT!!!" InuYasha roared. "WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU STAY UP LIKE YOU DO IN THE ANIME!?!?!??!"

InuYasha punted the jewel as hard as he could, srsly pissed off.

"Fuck!" He cursed. "Now how the tits do I make my wish!!??"

A second later, the jewel shard came flying back, and sniped InuYasha in the forehead, a note attached.

While Kagome dodge-rolled over to inspect the wound, InuYasha read the note.

"Dear InuYasha: Please keep your crystallized dog shit in your own forest. Thanks, Koga."

InuYasha said nothing, merely tried to make his wish again.

"The almighty InuWa-"

"Shove it you dumbass!" The jewel said. "I'll give you your fucking wish, just stop shitting out your face!"

InuYasha growled, but said nothing, ready to hold his silence if it meant becoming full demon.

A few seconds and a couple thumping sounds later, the voice was back.

"Now what the fuck is your wish?" The jewel asked.

"I want to become full demon!" InuYasha said. "So I can finally waste these weak mother fuckers that somehow keep kicking my ass in training." He said.

The jewel hummed. "Nope, can't do it." It said flatly. InuYasha's eyes widened, and a tic developed on his temple. "What the shit do you mean you can't?" He asked.

"I've been fought over for so fucking long, and it's always the same shit, demon demon demon, give it a rest!" The jewel said. "I've been so bored granting that same wish, I think I'll do something new." It said.

"InuYasha, now you are a girl!"

InuYasha's eyes widened. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!"

Suddenly, in a bright flash of light, InuYasha's body changed. He grew some very large breasts, and his manhood was no more. His nails lengthened even more, and his figure slimmed down, his hips widened, and his body became more feminine.

As InuYasha looked down at himself in horror, Miroku collapsed unconscious from a large nosebleed, and Kagome and Sango wondered if the dirty thoughts they harbored now made them lesbians.

"And you'll be like this until you can stop being a fucking whore, and show some respect to your friends." The jewel said. "Until you're humbled, you will remain female."

InuYasha sighed. "This is gonna be a bitch..."


End file.
